thank you, excruciating boredom
For the past few days, I’ve felt hallow. I feel the need for nothing, I feel a longing for nothing, and my motivation levels are at an all time low. It’s taken me three days to think of something to write about in this blog post. It’s probably because my mind has been completely fried by all of these standardized tests that I’ve been taking. The junior class at PHS (and all around New Jersey, for that matter) took part in the excruciatingly boring and mandatory High School Proficiency Assessment (HSPA) this week. It’s our last standardized test that is given in school, EVER, (HOORAY FOR SECOND-SEMESTER SENIORDOM!) but it was still a week from hell.
This morning, I spent two hours testing for a score that’s barely going to count for anything. Afterwards, I was completely drained, and could barely focus on what really matters in school-studying for all the tests that I’ll be taking in the next few months. I’m convinced that the only thing these school-regulated standardized tests are good for is seeing how good the teachers are and how well they teach. It’s not gonna matter for me, colleges aren’t going to look at my HSPA scores or my TerraNova scores to determine whether they will accept me or not. That’s not how these things work.
Unfortunately for me, passing the HSPAs is a graduation requirement at PHS. Well, I’m not saying that they’re particularly hard, because they aren’t. I just don’t really care, and would rather just breeze through the test as opposed to having to take it seriously. But I need to, because it’s the most important test I’ll take at PHS throughout my high school career apparently, so I did.
As a result, I didn’t want to do school. I didn’t want to take notes in APES or fill out any more bubbles, which I ended up doing in French today because we have yet ANOTHER standardized test coming up in a few weeks just for that class. However, that test is optional and an excuse for me to show off my knowledge of grammar and maybe win an award or something, so I chose to take it.
Anyway, back to my hallow feeling. This week was supposed to be exciting. I was supposed to be getting pumped up for my white rabbit costume that I’m wearing when I go to see Alice in Wonderland tomorrow and spending the week re-reading the book for the umpteenth time. But I ended up having no desire to read anything, let alone flex my creative muscles. All I’ve done all week with the free time that I usually spend doing something productive, like writing or studying, is stare at my computer monitor and refresh the daily what.
But I’m going to stop being pessimistic and look on the bright side of things. Maybe now that testing has ending, I’ll feel the need to get stuff done, as I usually do. Maybe all the motivation that I’ve been lacking will come back with full force for the weekend and I can get a TON of studying/homework/writing done. Maybe this will be my most productive weekend EVER! But that’s just a maybe, I can’t make any promises. Now I should probably stop writing and go bake cookies for bike club before Marcus bites my head off.