I Solemnly Swear I Am Up To No Good

November 6, 2010

It’s that time of year again! No, you fools, not Christmas time, Harry Potter time!!! Time for costumes and fake wands and drawn on scars, time for re-reading and re-watching and reviewing. Time to fall back in love and wonder why you ever read anything else, because nothing else brings you as much security and joy as this series does. The world in which you wish you lived is inviting you back, it’s beckoning, can’t you hear it? Can you hear the sound of spells being cast, of Hermione’s good judgement, of Ron’s “Oi!”? Can you hear the parseltongue slipping from Harry’s lips? You forgave it long ago for not sending you an invitation to Hogwarts on your eleventh birthday, it’s time to dive back in. Pick up your favorite book and get to reading – Harry and company miss you as much as you miss them. Hell, you’re even starting to miss that crazy sassmaster, Bellatrix. Who cares about homework when you can read about Harry not doing his? There’s a reason you can recite a history of Albus Dumbledore’s life but can’t remember a thing about King Henry VIII.

Pump yourself for the film, starting now. It’s only weeks away, but there’s still time to prepare. Get those midnight tickets ahead of time – don’t you want to see just how beautiful Gellert Grindelwald actually is? Don’t you want to see how hard watching Harry go to Godric’s Hollow will make you cry? You know you do. Pack your robes, grab your wand, get your books…it’s time to get back to Hogwarts.



October 20, 2010

Call me a fangirl, but basically all I did today was watch “A Very Potter Musical” and stare in jaw-dropping awe at the latest GQ spread…that’s right, the Glee one.
1. Sexiest Voldemort ever. Funniest Draco ever.

2. I’m so excited for Darren Criss to be on Glee.

3. It’s high time I re-read Harry Potter as a whole.
4. GQ still reigns supreme as my favorite periodical. It’s just CLEARLY the best magazine out there.

I highly doubt that it’s appropriate to be posting that photo, but it’s so cute that I just couldn’t resist. One week until “Rocky Horror Glee Show” – so excited to hear Emma sing “Touch-A Touch-A Touch-A Touch Me”!!

Best Day Ever

September 29, 2010

Dear Diary,

Tonight I abandoned my Gleeks to go watch David Sedaris speak at McCarter theater. He told stories, some old, some new and fresh out of his newest book (which was just published today), Squirrel Seeks Chipmunk, and some deep from the depths of his personal diary. The stories he read made me throw my head back with laughter, made me cringe with chagrin and sometimes disgust, and made me titillate with joy. Even during the worst of the instances, the most gory of the details, his voice seemed to warm the theater. But it wasn’t until he exclaimed, during the question and answer portion, “I love Glee!” that a warm feeling of awe and inspiration shrouded me. I clapped uncontrollably, and when he was finally off the stage, I pushed pass my father and did a sort of run-skip that you have to do in polite setting or else you’ll just look ridiculous, but you look ridiculous anyway because nothing screams “Teenager rushing to meet idol” like a girl in a skirt and purple patent leather flats run-skipping through McCarter.

As I stood in line, I fanned myself-the excitement of meeting him was clenching up in my stomach and making me nervous. I also envisioned what I would say to him. Would I tell him I was a writer? Would I tell him about how influential his work has been to me? Would I tell him about the portrait I drew of him for my final art project in sophomore year?

My time finally arrived. I handed him my just-purchased copy of Squirrel Seeks Chipmunk and the slip of paper with the proper spelling of my name on it, and blurted out,

“Oh, wow, hi! Gosh, I feel like a little girl at gymnastics camp meeting an Olympic gymnast for the first time all over again!”

Good analogy, self.

He smiled at me and said, “Well, hello Pauline! We’ve met before, haven’t we? I feel like we’ve met.” Only in my dreams. After my response, he said to me, “Well, Pauline, I have a little something for you. I was in the Netherlands last week and picked up this. Have you ever been to the Netherlands?” and he pulled a plastic toy squirrel out of a white crumpled up paper bag. “See, isn’t that cute? It’s just like the cover!” and he held the toy next to the cover for comparison, and then handed it to me. We then got into a discussion about bikes and how everyone bikes in the Netherlands because the whole country is entirely flat, and then we began to talk about where I’d been in Europe (never the Netherlands, but plenty of other places!) and speaking German and might I add, he has a pretty damn good German accent. And then he asked, “Where are you going next?” and my mother and I both said, “College!”

This offered the perfect segway into discussing my writing, which was not my ultimate goal, but nice to stumble upon. I told him that I had a blog and wrote for the Tower and the Packet and sometimes wrote books but they usually didn’t go anywhere and he smiled at me and said in disbelief, “Books? I wasn’t even dreaming of writing books when I was your age!” and that made me even more tingly inside. Then he told me, “You know what? I find that the kids who wrote for the high school paper are winners.” What a confidence boost. That may be one of the best compliments, or well-wishes, that I’ve ever gotten (aside from the Hermione compliment). I’m about to type that up, frame it, and put it on display in the Tower room. I really am.

But that wasn’t even the highlight, oh no. The best part was when I told him that I saw Joyce Carol Oates in the audience, and he said, “Oh no, Joyce Carol Oats? No one told me! You’re the first people to tell me that!” and put his head in his hands. He then looked at me and said, “I’m so happy no one told me that before the performance, because I don’t think I would have gone on. Joyce Carol Oates? Wow.”

And then he pulled out his little aqua blue notebook and jotted down this momentous event, because it’s Joyce Carol Oates. IT’S JOYCE CAROL OATES! (Reason #423 why I love Princeton-spotting JCO at McCarter). But that wasn’t the most exciting part. What’s exciting is that I MADE HIS LITTLE BLUE NOTEBOOK!!! The one that he derives ideas from for his stories, the one that he read to us from, the one that he takes very important notes in. And believe me, learning that Joyce Carol Oates went to listen to you read your work is one of the biggest compliments a writer could ever receive. But one of the biggest compliments a fan of David Sedaris could ever get is making it into that blue notebook-and not because of your unicorn-shaped uterus. When I say best night ever, I’m not exaggerating. That means that this happened:

Life goal complete.

I Pee My Pants

July 6, 2010

“Let me tell you something about Tom Riddle. We were teacher and student in middle school. I know, right? It’s so embarrassing. I don’t even… whatever. So then in eighth grade, I started going out with my first enemy Grindelwald, who was totally gorgeous. But then I had to defeat him, and Tom was like, weirdly jealous of him. Like, if I would blow him off to duel with Grindelwald, he’d be like “Why didn’t you fight me back?”. And I’d be like “Why are you so obsessed with me?”. So then, for my birthday party, which was an all-Muggle sympathisers pool party, I was like “Tom, I can’t invite you because I think you’re Lord Voldemort “. I mean, I couldn’t have a Dark Lord at my party. There were gonna be people there in their muggle clothes. I mean, right? He was the Dark Lord. So then his mom called my mom and started yelling at her, it was so retarded. And then he dropped out of society because no one would talk to his disembodied soul, and he came back in the fall for the second Wizarding War, all of his hair was cut off and he was totally weird, and now I guess he’s got Horcruxes.”


Dizzy With Anticipation

February 21, 2010

As a prospective English major, I expect myself to be offended by these blasphemous re-writes. However, I was born with a sense of humor, and cannot find anything about Ben H. Winter’s quirky novels that I hate. Yes, maybe it would be better to read the original first, but after the delight that ensued while reading Pride & Prejudice & Zombies, I can only assume that Android Karenina will be nothing but fun. I can’t be mad at someone who makes me laugh so hard-the only hard feelings that I harbor stem from the fact that I didn’t think of it first. Summer reading material, for sure. I mean, I’m assuming that Tolstoy is rolling in his grave right now, but this isn’t the worst that could be done with his works. Humans are savage idiots, and I think that Winters’ work is mockery in it’s highest form. He pokes fun with class, and if these revisions are to be done in a fun way, it should at least be done with class. Kudos, Ben H. Winters, for a job well done. Everyone’s going to be a critic, but in my eyes, you are an innovative thinker with a knack for humor and some real guts. It takes a lot to publish books like these.

Dog Days Are Over

January 27, 2010

Recommended  author: Chuck Phalahniuk. I’m making it a personal goal to devour every single one of his novels by the end of June, because my experience with the past two that I have read (Fight Club and Invisible Monsters) have been thoroughly enjoyable. They’re really easy reads because of the suspense he uses, and the peculiar characters he employs for the stories he tells. Somehow, they both have had a tearjerking effect on me, thanks to the use of sentimentality and the deep connection I gain with the characters-overall they’re both really sweet stories. I recommend both if you can handle gratuitous violence, which there is a lot of. I mean, one is titled Fight Club and the other is about a model whose jaw has been shot off-there’s no way to read either of them without wincing and experiencing slight nausea.

And when I say that I devoured these books, I’m serious. Considering that it’s  (or was) midterm season, I got through Invisible Monsters considerably quick-within the span of a week. I stole it from Maria’s room and started reading it while I was supposed to be studying for pre-calc (whoops). If I hadn’t been so swamped with work, I probably would have gotten through it quicker, because I found it difficult to put down. “The books are never about what you think they are about” he claims in his description of the next novel by him that I will be reading, Survivor, which is undeniably true. I have never stumbled upon such twisted endings, I have never been so blindsided in all my life. Again and again-it took a couple of hours for the ending of Invisible Monsters to sink in, and when it did I had to go back and re-read it again so I could enjoy it thoroughly, as I imagine it was supposed to be. I can’t wait to start-and finish-Survivor. Palahniuk has officially made my list of people I would enjoy conversing with.


January 10, 2010

Some grammatical errors bother me more than others…however to an extent they are all annoying. I’ve broken the habit of correcting my friends’ grammar while talking to them online, but there comes a point where mixing up “There” and “Their” has got to stop making sense.
Seriously, “They’re I stood..” just sounds like nonsense when you undo the contraction.
So here, for all who are in desperate need of it, is a cheat sheet for making your grammar as pleasant as it could be.

They’re=they are
Their=possessive, “Their cake was immediately devoured by the party”
There=placement, “There she was in front of me, luminescent as she used to be.”

Your=possessive, “Your fly is undone”
You’re=you are

Wether=a castrated ram. (don’t use this word)
Whether=conjunction, “whether or not you agree with me…”
Weather=the temperature, how the air feels outside

It’s=It is, it has

Please take this advice. I hope it’s helpful!